Sunday, August 7, 2011
Seriously, it's comical how ridiculously unlucky I am. In this particular life, I've fallen from grace too many times to count, but you know what? I get back up and I do it again every day hoping that eventually I will get it right.
Don't get me wrong, I have had a lot of good and when weighed out, it certainly counterbalances all the bad. I have a family who loves me unconditionally, who are healthy and happy; who would without question, walk to the end of the earth and back for me. I have made more friends than I have lost. Ones that I know will stick with me, not only through the sweetness, but straight through to the bitter end. I'm by no means rich, but am content in my possessions.
I have literally partied with Rock Stars and interviewed NASCAR drivers. I have traveled the earth and been immersed in cultures that many people only dream of. I was blessed with open minded parents who allowed me to see and experience the world through my own eyes. I have jumped from airplanes, climbed peaks and floated in the Caribbean seas. I changed careers midlife, went back to school and kicked it's ass. I was the first Paramedic student at my college to receive a full scholarship based on academic achievement. I have loved and felt love in return.
Not bad for a little girl from a quiet coastal Texas town. Truth be told, if I were to die tomorrow, I'd look back with little regret, for I have truly lived. Sure there are a few things that I have yet to do in this life, which is precisely the reason why I have no immediate plans of leaving this earth any time soon. I refuse to go down based solely on a little bad luck. Nope, you might be a temporary setback, but you're only an obstacle that I will always find a way to overcome.
When my 19 year old cat was dying from kidney failure earlier this year, I had to make the hard decision to end his misery and have him put to sleep. When I arrived for my appointment, I was told that the Doctor was across town dealing with a sick foal and was told that I had to reschedule his euthanasia for later that day. What?! How cruel and unusual is that?
On Christmas Day 2010, as I drove across the state of Virginia to see my family on the biggest holiday of the year, I ran over something on the highway that shredded my rear tire at 65 MPH, leaving me stranded on an overpass for hours until help arrived.
In 2008 I had a pretty common surgical procedure that was botched terribly, which resulted in two additional surgeries to put me back together again. I was out of work for three months recovery time.
On October 20, 2005, I lost my fourth friend within a two year period to suicide.
I could go on and on, reciting stories that you wouldn't believe unless you actually knew me and witnessed it first hand, but I think you get the gist of it.
I have been on the brink of throwing in the towel on more than one occasion. I've wanted to curl up and just wither away, because what good is life if it isn't what you envisioned it to be? I'll tell you what it's good for...everything. All the meticulous planning and guidance never prepares you to roll with the punches and live. Really live.
Years ago for fun, two friends and I went to see one of those roadside "fortune tellers." She told them just what the future held for each of them and they left content in knowing that they would face no real hardships in the path set before them. When my turn came, I was told that she, the "psychic," sensed an unlucky aura that "surrounded my soul," a black cloud if you will and for just $500 she had the power to remove it. I laughed the notion of it and promptly walked out. Looking back over my life, I sometimes wonder if that might have been a small price to pay for absolution, but then I come to my senses and laugh about it all over again.
No one but yourself has the power to change your own luck, whether it be through the power of thought or spiritual beliefs or even a lucky charm of some sort. In my case, I am a combination of all three. I think positively, try to do all the right things and as crazy as it seems, I corresponde spiritually with my deceased friend David, who I lost in 2005, through our own form of communication. When I am feeling down or particularly sad or stressed out, he sends me a random feather that I stumble upon in the strangest of places. In the years since his death I have found over 200 of them and keep them safely locked away in a special shadow box to remind me that there are angels that look down on us from above and keep us safe and honest.
Now that lucky charm thing, well that is different for everyone. Some dangle a rabbit's foot from their keychains. Some carry a lucky penny in their pocket. We break wishbones at Thanksgiving, hoping to pull the side that counts, the bigger piece where wishes are often granted. We search for four-leafed clovers in fields of shamrocks and have "lucky" articles of clothing that we where when we want to win the big game.
My lucky charm was a well thought out plan, something that I contemplated for years until I was 100% sure of exactly what it should be and where it should be in my life. A little over a week ago, I chose to have a small horseshoe tattooed on the outside of my left wrist. I drew out the exact placement of where on my body I thought it would bring me the most luck. Points facing up so that none of the so-called luck would drain out.
I mustered up my courage, found a reputable artist that came highly recommended from a friend, bit the bullet and finally had it done. It was perfect, exactly what I wanted. A tiny little "U" shape with six nail holes, one for each member of my immediate family. I babied it and cared for it exactly as I was told and for the first couple of days it began to heal up nicely.
On the third day I noticed that it was beginning to come off. Not just the normal peeling and scabbing that a tattoo generally goes through. This little sucker was actually coming off in chucks, as if the bad aura of my luck was rejecting any of the good that I was trying to create!
By days four and five it began to look as if it had been drawn on with a magic marker that had gotten wet and was smearing and fading quickly. And by today, I can only see visible red scars in certain places where the black ink once was. My body is literally ridding itself of what it sees as an intruder.
How ironic is that? My luck is so defective that a purposely permanent piece of kismet is quickly sloughing off my own skin!
It's typical really.
Good things rarely happen on the first try, that is just how life goes for me. So right now half a horseshoe is better than none at all. I'll have it reworked in the next week or so, then lookout! With luck on my side, there may be no stopping me from anything that I set my mind to!