Sunday, May 13, 2012

Pretty Girls Don't Cry

By most accounts, I am a pretty laid back chick.

But there are a few things you can do that will guarantee to set me off.

1. Stopping by my house unannounced. Just don't do it, I hate it!

2. Waking me from a dead sleep to tell me something stupid. Sleep is a luxury in my world, so unless the house is on fire, don't wake me up... ever!

3. Not following through with a plan. If you say you're going to do something, then just fucking do it. If you can't follow through, then let me know well in advance so I can prepare a "Plan B." It's just that simple.

4. Lying to me. I don't care if at the time you thought you were doing me a favor because you wanted to spare my feelings or something, blah, blah blah... No excuse is acceptable, ever! Honesty is the foundation to everything and if you chose to not give me the respect that I deserve by not giving it to me straight, then I'll find the respect elsewhere in the form of you losing my trust and believe me, that is a hard thing to get back.

5. Feeling "sorry" for me if I break down and cry. Unless there is a legitimate sad reason behind my tears, like a death or that I've accidentally gotten my leg stuck in a wood chipper, don't pity me, that is just me, I'm a crier; can't help it, it is just the way that I react to stressful situations. Some people get angry and punch things, some people shut down, I burst into tears. It's one of the girlish qualities that I really hate about myself, but it is out of my control. Just because I might shed a tear or two doesn't mean that I am any more sad or upset than I would be if I were able to keep it in check. Consider it an honor to see me cry because it doesn't happen often or with just anyone, in some fucked up way, it is exposing myself enough to let you know that I care.

Oh and P.S., please don't fart around me either and certainly not on me or I will physically hurt you! Don't ever think that is ever acceptable, no matter how long we've known each other. Saying things like, "You should feel honored that I feel comfortable enough to fart in front of you!" might be the stupidest cop out ever! Take your lazy ass into the next room, go outside, hold it in...whatever, just don't do it in my presence. I don't want to hear it, I don't want to smell it and I certainly don't want to ingest the fart molecules that float from your ass into the atmosphere,  to me, it is the equivalent of shitting on my face. Are we clear?!